I wish I had the inspiration, motivation or discipline to blog as I made my way through some big life changes these past few months but I didn’t, and that’s that. But here I am…
I had been toying with the idea of changing things up for a while now and an opportunity for a new adventure presented itself to me and in three weeks I had quit my job, bought a car, packed up my NYC apartment, and drove west. Don’t fret, I’ll likely post more about my decision to leave New York and lessons learned from the big city and all that jazz but this post is about embracing my new adventure and all the stress, anxiety, excitement, and emotion that comes with it.
My new opportunity does not provide me the same professional security that my job back in New York did. Enter financial stress.
I am still searching for a place to live. That’s right, I have a mobile closet in the form of a four door Toyota Rav4. Lucky for me, I have an amazing friend who has an equally awesome cousin in Denver who has offered to take me in for the time being. Still, there’s something about waking up on a deflated air mattress and not having your own true space.
I am lonely. And that’s the worst one to say out loud.
This change came about so quickly that I didn’t have time to deal with the emotional impact of the decision, I had so much to get done before I left. I’m very good at avoiding and that’s exactly what I did. I focused on how excited I was and all the positives of my move that I did not allow myself to feel for what I was leaving behind and how scary this all would be once I got here. But here I am, allowing myself to feel it and move on.
I love meeting new people. I think everyone has something wonderful to offer and I love trying to figure out what that is. Connecting with people is one of my absolute favorite things in the world but sometimes it takes work. And right now I don’t feel like working at it. Sometimes you just want someone who already knows you inside and out to just simply be there.
And that’s where I am today, finally allowing myself to feel all of these things that I’ve been trying to avoid and polish over with a smile and uplifting words. Because sometimes you just need to feel. So I’ve allowed myself the day to get it all out and then that’s it I have to let go, reset and attack tomorrow. So here goes.
I feel unsettled, frustrated, anxious, homesick, lonely, unattractive, out of shape, dehydrated, tired, nervous, scared, like I need a hot shower, like I need a hug, like I need a thunderstorm, angry that I shattered my phone, upset that I scratched my car and proud.
I’ve finally acknowledged these not so nice feelings and even still I am confident that I’ve made the right decision. So tonight before bed, I will hit my reset button and I will wake up on the right side of the bed ready to take control of the things I can and let go of the things I can’t. Here’s to one hell of an adventure!